I made many bad choices in my life in the past, to make me face the consequences now. I lost the first boyfriend I ever experienced, who was also the first love of my life, whom I shared an almost 5 years with. I took him for granted so bad, I was jealous, I was controlling, I was crazy. He%26#039;s moved on to a better girlfriend for the past year and I just can%26#039;t seem to get him out of my head, because of all the wrongdoings I have caused. I made myself look like a fool. He even changed his number and now, it seems so weird that wow, he actually cut me out of his life, and now I%26#039;m the one who%26#039;s feeling stupid, foolish, hurt, disappointed in myself. There are so many details to this love story, but basically, I know the true meaning of you don%26#039;t know what you got until it%26#039;s gone. Please don%26#039;t advise me to get a hold of him, because the last time I did, I was vulnerable, and that%26#039;s what I highly believe made him change his phone number and cut me out of his life.
Many advise me to move on as he has, and I know you%26#039;ve probably heard this thousands of time, but it%26#039;s not that easy. It%26#039;s hard to forgive myself for making those kind of decisions I%26#039;ve made in the past. I am slowly learning my lesson to not take one thing or person for granted, treat others how you want to be treated, say what you mean, but I still isolate myself to work on myself. I find myself so sad and down that I actually treated him like that, and now, I know he%26#039;s never going to be mine again. We%26#039;re complete strangers, and it%26#039;s just crazy how I let it turn out like this. I did this to myself.
My intention was to never have him move on, but he took it serious when I told him I would never talk to him again, I played games with myself and played with fire and this is what karma brought to me. Trust me, I do the best I can do to keep myself busy, I hold great number of family and friends who are with me by my side. I just know I%26#039;m scared to ever be in a relationship again because I don%26#039;t want to hurt anyone and see myself hurt again. Of course I look forward to what may be next, but I keep beating myself over this. I know he deserves to be treated better than how I did, and his new girlfriend is probably doing a fantastic job at this, not making the same mistakes I did, but I find it so hard to be happy for him because I know, I never stopped loving him. How can I ever forgive myself for doing this and stop hoping he%26#039;ll call me out of the blue, he obviously never tried to contact me himself this past year since he%26#039;s been with his new girlfriend.|||you should pray about it.. ask God to help you forgive yourself and to make you hole again.. as well as strong again.. don%26#039;t be afraid to get back out there and find another love because it is very possible.. remember though, forgive but dont forget.. i was in the same boat, and its hard but you%26#039;ll learn to forgive yourself but dont forget about the outcome in order to have a better relationship next time.. God Bless..|||Yes|||No, i believe you only love once in your whole lifetime. For me, it is impossible to forget her but certainly i would move on if required. But, i won%26#039;t be able to forget those feelings and won%26#039;t have it again. If it was true love.
Thank you!|||It is a learning experience.
think about this;
He was just a fairytale, he wasn%26#039;t your prince.
Idk if that makes sense,
but basically
first love is there for a reason,
the reason is to teach you how to
laugh,
love,
and cry.
It teaches you further knowledge,
into knowing and learning how to
really appreciate someone,
and yeah.
Just because he was your first love,
doesn%26#039;t mean he%26#039;s gonna be your last.
Just wait, patience is key.
Goodluck!
btw; You can Never get over a first love.|||The best thing you can do is move on, but as you said it is not as easy as it sounds but that%26#039;s the only way you will be able to get him out of your mind. There will be other guys, there are heaps in the world.|||My boyfriend should feel like you do right now. He%26#039;s an *** to me. But I%26#039;d never leave him like that. I just can%26#039;t find the strength. He%26#039;s my first boyfriend too. But, he%26#039;s naturally a mean person..so I try to let it not bother me. Sometimes I try to make him be nicer. He hurt me like...an hour ago...I%26#039;m terribly mad at him. And I%26#039;m sure you don%26#039;t want to hear this from some 14 year old girl, but sometimes you just gotta try. I try, I try to be happy. Sometimes-most of the time-I%26#039;m just sitting on a chair watching my MySpace page for a new message. Try to focus on yourself, and not past relations. I feel like a hypocrite saying this but there are other people out there-even though I sometimes don%26#039;t believe that. There are going to be times when you feel that you are worthless...but that%26#039;s life. Time heals everything, I know it%26#039;s very hard to believe that but we both know it%26#039;s true. And next time, when you get into a relationship...don%26#039;t be so hard. And when it%26#039;s done and over with-learn to not care. Because most good things come to an end. There will be others, and one or maybe four out of them will be the one. And when they come, you%26#039;ll know.|||I%26#039;d honestly like to believe that the first time is not a learning experience. I read your story, there are a lot of similarities to mine.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me recently. I made so many stupid mistakes, so many things happened to me all at once, I was trying so hard to fix things. Now, I realize how much I%26#039;ve messed up, things I could have changed or done better. Yes, I am a much better person than I was before, and the next girl I will be with will definitely get all the positive benefits out of this.
But I begged her to take me back, that I would change. I gave it my all, I told her how much I loved her, and wanted to spend eternity with her. I poured my heart out that day and she brushed it off as if it were nothing. I probably deserved that, but it hurt me, a lot. She was already beginning to move on, found a boy at work she liked, and they started going out. Meanwhile, I%26#039;m at home sulking and the memories were unbearable. I tried to talk to her casually, but it was never the same. Also, seeing pictures of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook hurt so much, just seeing how easy it was for her to move on.
My friends tell me I shouldn%26#039;t be sulking, and that I can do much better, and that I can move on. A part of me knows that I can, but I was willing to settle down for her, and only her. She was my first, and I wanted her to be my only. A part of me also wishes she was taking me for granted, but in my mind, the harsh reality of it is that she%26#039;s happy with her life right now. Even if she lied to me when she said she%26#039;s moved on and nothing will ever become of us again, I took it so seriously, and it shattered my idea of what we were.
In the end, I ended up giving away all the toys she bought for me, and the notes she wrote for me. I deleted her off of Facebook and removed her off my email because just seeing pictures of her with her new boy and seeing her online, it really hurts. She never contacted me. My number is still the same, but she never calls. I think sooner or later, I might just change my number as well, or intentionally block hers from ever reaching mine since I don%26#039;t want to make it troublesome on my other contacts.
As for me, however she feels; sorrow or joy, I will never ever contact her in my life ever again. Her birthday is coming up, I won%26#039;t wish her a happy birthday. All I want now, is to delete her completely from my mind, I%26#039;m cutting her out of my life for good.
Deep down inside, I feel a lot of guilt and blame myself for everything, even if all of it isn%26#039;t. I%26#039;m taking this guilt to move on and to make sure the next girl won%26#039;t inherit all of the negative baggage that I had. She broke up with me when I was at my lowest, when I was severely depressed and not myself. I%26#039;m going to fix myself to be better, and hopefully, find a girl who I can love more than I loved my first girlfriend.
I kind of hope she feels like how you do, though I won%26#039;t let myself think that. I must move on. The harsh reality is, she probably doesn%26#039;t.|||your first love is usually an experience but if you know how to treat someone and keep him/her happy it can last a life time. for you i can say that you made a mistake in the relationship that you cant take back and you have to learn from it you might still be young and mistakes happen to everybody. to get him back the only thing you have to do is better yourself as a person get a new job or a promotion live highly of yourself in every aspect and in time you will get that chance to talk to him one day. when you do talk to him let him know that you was young and immature and that you have grown up and is willing to do anything for the two of you to make things better for each other in the future. be serious know what you want and be ready for whatever answer you get. he might give you another chance. but remember it takes time and don%26#039;t act desperate.|||yes..my first boyfriend turned out to be gay..lol..it was a funny learning experience
