How to handle when your husband gives out his phone number to a woman in front of you when he is drunk?

I've been married for the last 9 years. Pretty happy all around. My husband is a wonderful person and I am happy to be married to him - most of the time. I view a problem to be is that he likes to binge drink when he is with his friends. He is 44 years old and doesn't have an off valve. When he passes the point of no return he can turn very mean vocally to me. He doesn't remember much the next day. Last Friday we went out with some friends. We all had a great time and my husband and I even connected again. By the end of the night it all changed. He is so drunk leaning against the bar and is openly flirting with a woman with his eyes. I see that he is writing out his phone number on a piece of paper and she is putting the number into her phone. When confronted he lies, then admits and then gets mean and then thinks I am blowing it out of proportion. He said that he would never act on it. His drunk and mean behavior is sometimes heard by our 6 year old daughter. What to do?How to handle when your husband gives out his phone number to a woman in front of you when he is drunk?I feel very sorry for you... :\



Your situation doesn't SEEM that bad (it's just a guy getting drunk and losing a bit of control, right?), yet everyone here is telling you to take such drastic measures. Divorce. Joining an alcoholics program. These answers are so easy to type but so devastatingly difficult in real life.



My answers is this:

Do not be afraid of the possibility of losing him. Do not be afraid of how a divorce will affect your daughter -- because if divorce is indeed the right decision, then having him as a dad will be worse for her.



Try very hard to be %26quot;at peace%26quot; with the possibility of divorce. This will allow you to think clearly and approach him the right way -- and approach him you must. Do it when he is sober and happy. You must be non-threatening, non-assuming,

do not make him feel like he is cornered (which will happen is if he sees your tension). You must be brave, calm, and matter-of-fact when you seek out the truth. What truth am I talking about? You must find out if he still loves you.



I don't advise divorcing him simply because he gave a woman his phone number. But you should be very concerned... it is a big deal because it (in addition to his reaction) hints that you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg of future problems.





Your decision on whether to pursue divorce or the alcoholism program will depend on how your conversation with him goes.... will depend on if he loves you enough to give you what you need... which is to be able to trust him.



If he gets belligerent about all this, blowing it out of proportion (by accusing you of blowing it out of proportion)... you may consider showing him the answers all these people have given.
How to handle when your husband gives out his phone number to a woman in front of you when he is drunk?
Divorce!!! Call a lawyer and get out, that is uncalled for.
How to handle when your husband gives out his phone number to a woman in front of you when he is drunk?
Kick him hard in the crotch to send him back to reality/being sober.
Stand up for yourself - when you see that happen, walk over and ask the woman to erase YOUR and his phone number from her phone.

If you sit back and watch the whole thing without doing anything at the time, it almost seems like you are more interested in catching him in a lie than you are in stopping the behaviour!

(that doesn't help you with ideas for addressing the drinking, but hopefully it will help you deal with similar problems caused by the drinking in the future)

............ re: Additional Details: wait a minute, you saw the woman putting the phone number into her phone, but then you talked to her and now you say she would never take his phone number? Really, stop making excuses for not taking care of things, you can fool a few people here by making up stories, but are you fooling yourself? You appear to be the enabler. Do you have a target number of decades to wait until he goes and sees a therapist?
Why didnt you walk up to that poor woman and tell her that you were HIS wife?
there is a point when you have to mature its a choice he needs to make and if not then there is a choice you need to make. Drinking is nothing but a down fall and he is dropping ever so slowly it probably will get worse. its not necessary to drink its not a requirement so he needs to stop.
I think that you know what you need to do

a drunk mans mouth (and actions) are a sober man's mind....or so the old saying goes meaning that

he feels these things when he is not drunk and the alcohol allows him to say these thoughts.

YOu might consider an ultimatium

if you dont have the stones to do that, you should video tape him and play it back for him the next day
I would suggest limiting your dates and other activities to those which do not include alcohol...



If your husband binge drinks in a pattern, or often, he probably has a problem.



You could try Alanon for YOU as well (support group for those of us whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic).



take care.
Here is the best advice you can get anywhere. Call Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. The meetings are free and have the best help for families of alcoholics. Knowledge is your best weapon.
First, tell him you are concerned about his drinking and how he makes you feel when he hits that point. Try to get him either to go to AA meetings or marriage counseling. You or your 6 yr. old does not need this in your life.

I know you might of had fun and connected w/ your husband again when you went out to the bar, but you are just feeding the fire. It's basically telling him it's okay to drink.

I had a bf like this, he was so abusive [never hit me, just by voice also] he even threatened to kill me at times. I was so scared to leave him, I waited until he was thrown in jail and then bailed.
How to handle it? With a big smack upside his head! Best part about it is, like you said, he won't remember it the next day! And you'll feel great!
Wow! That's a big problem... I'm sorry to hear that.

I think that he needs help with his alcohol problem... when that is dealt with, then the rest can be addressed. Do you think you might be able to get him into counseling, and bring out the alcohol problem that way? I'm sure you have tried to confront him yourself... that's why I think a counselor (third party, non-biased) may be able to approach it without as much confrontation from him.?
He's not that drunk if you ask me! He knows what he's doing and sounds like he's turning it all around on you. Seek counseling for yourself and your child, even if he doesn't want to join.
That's rough...try to talk to him when he isn't drinking so much and tell him u both should come up w/ a plan when it is getting close to out of hand. Then try to leave..or slow him down. Take him to the dance floor and wear off some of that booze. Or if u have a camera cell phone...take pictures of it to prove it to him so u both can talk the next day.
me personally would dump him . well, actually i would never even hook up with him . i hate drunks. especially mean ones
the fact he flirts and goes so far as to wirte his number down...means he has no respect for you...(dont stand for that).....



the fact that he lies and then admits it (means he is a dishonest person...and proably lies to you abou other things...you might already suspect this)



the fact that he %26quot;gets mean%26quot; signifies he's getting mad AT GETTING CAUGHT...not at what hes doing....so he doesnt care



he WILL act on it



if you allow your daughter to see this guy as a ROLE MODEL for a husband your weakness will directly influence her to find the same type of man to treat her the same when she grows up.....



STAND up for yourself!!!leave him and find a GOOD man that treats you and your daughter with respect....



being drunk and mean is not respectful towards your daughter...



you can do better...
It sounds like your husband has a drinking problem and their are also problems in your marriage. When he drinks he can be mean and tell you things and act in a true manner (incident with woman). You dissmiss is behavior on the account that he was drunk. Are you going to keep making excuses for him? Just sit down and actually ask him if he's happy? Or in front of a professional.Tthis current situation cannot be good for you or your young daughter.
dose a man get convected if he is drunk and murdered

YES

he is a cheater even when your not around sober.

HELLO

you are just oblivious(dumb) to what he really is.

F

O

O

L
put a complete stop to this man drinking,he needs to understand that he's hurting you badly,if he's not ready to see that then your best option is to stay with friends/family til he's ready to admit the wrong he's doing,i know in family situations it's not easy to just pack up %26amp; go,but you've got to do something,i mean,how many times will he do this,then actually%26quot;act upon%26quot; it? if he has'nt done so already,also he's making you look like a fool infront of friends,etc,you are more worthy than that.
Leave his azz. If he is acting like this while he is drunk, it is the real him that need the booze to help him out. Why keep hurting your kid. I would tell him while he is writing out that phone number I would say to him... the minute you write the last digit, I will be thinking of how to pack my daughter's things along with my own and leave your disrespectful azz on the court house steps. Now if you want your fingers, your lips and your family, you will put that pen down and the booze too, you have had enough. If he does it anyway, leave him for sure, but go empty out his bank account 1st. I'm not even playing.
Drunk or not he shouldn't be giving out his phone number period! I would nip that all in the bud. You don't deserve to be treated like that because he likes to drink so much. That is not your fault it is his. He also needs to watch his words around your child. She doesn't deserve to hear any of that crap. What you do now the ball is in your court on what you plan to do. GL.
It is not easy but leave him. He is not worth it. He is taking you for granted and he probably thinks he is God's gift to the world. However drunk he can be, it is wrong for him to pass his number to another woman.

You and your daughter can do so much more. You do not need an alcoholic in your lives. Now, he is using his mouth to be mean and next time, he is going to use his hands. Think about it hard. Save yourselves.
well being drunk is no excuse he should know better than to disrespect you as such, and you how can you not go up to this woman and tell her you are his wife and your husband is a drunken fool, you got to learn to stan up for yourself not just stand by blindly letting him treat you like this....mr jeckyl and mr hyde!....just add alcohol. Also for him to act liek this in front of your 6 year old honestly is this what you want her to be subjected to , this is no way for a child to be grown up in, he need sto put h is priorities straight and learn what is right from wrong, before it gets way out of control....put your mouth to use and speak up!
BE FIRM cup92 !! when he is sober tell him to think of his daughter ! does he want his daugther to be brought up by a single parent !? and please keep him off that bottle. it is the cause of all the trouble in the world.
so you married an abusive binge drinker/alcoholic? good one!



he is a grown adult, who acts like an idiot.



divorce. he will cheat, then claim he doesn't remember any of it. it's a way to scapegoat.
You should have told the girl to call you first. LOL! Seriously, I'd talk to him when he's sober but if he's in denial planet, OMG - will you dump him and get a better life partner? Fighting with him when he's drunk is also pointless - like talking to a brick wall.... in this case, a prick wall. Plus, letting your daughter hear the argument is traumatic enough for her. Next time he gets drunk - leave him be. Let him flirt. If he falls off the bar, don't pick him up. He drank, got drunk, so let him pick his sorry *** up by himself.
i would have punched him right here and left him if he does that in your face just imagine what he does when your not around.
Do you have Alchoholics Anonymous down there? Even thought this is only occasioanlly, it still happens.
I am so sorry that you have to experience the negative side of a relationship. I am a firm believer that every woman as the God Given right to be treated with respect. Whether alcohol is a factor or not, what he did is inexcusable. How do you handle it? You don't! You give him the ultimatums of sobering up and respectful treatment. If he doesn't comply, you start fresh in life.

You deserve it!