My other point is that I have told my kids that their Dad is sick with a disease called alcoholism. I tell them that he makes decisions that I don't understand. I tell them they are very lovable and they are definitely not the reason he's not calling or visiting. Of course, if any of these little tidbits are repeated to him, he tells the kids that I'm lying and that I'm just saying these things to make the kids hate him. He berates me for not allowing them to call him on his birthday and he doesn't believe me when I tell him that they never asked! After all, he has only called on our oldest's birthday once in 5 years!! No calls at Christmas, NOTHING!
Sometimes one can get fed up with taking that higher ground and trying to be the bigger person. I feel sorry for him as he's missing out on 3 wonderful kids that, regardless what he has done, still love him unconditionally, which he certainly doesn't deserve. I've had friends say 'change your phone number' and just forget about him but I know how disrespectful this is to the children. As a Mom, I want to protect them as much as possible and I feel like either avenue I choose to take is damaging to them.
BTW, my fiance is a wonderful Dad to them and wants to adopt them. Is it possible without the biological's father permission? (He would not give it out of spite alone.) Thanks for all your answers!Continuing to %26quot;When do you just say 'enough' to a dead beat parentt?%26quot;?Hello again, I'm pretty sure your fiance' cannot adopt unless biological father gives up parental rights. No doubt, you're in a tough situation and have a clear understanding of the word %26quot;love%26quot;... it's supposed to be unconditionall, unfortunately most people don't get it. I still have to stand by previous advice... take the high road, even though you're fed up and it's a lonely road to follow, it sets the best example for all those concerned. Having said that, don't allow yourself to become a doormat either. Set the limits you deem appropriate, and document everything. Never speak badly of him to your children, he's half of who they are. It's obvious to me that you're a good person. You simply have no control over your ex, or anyone else for that matter, only yourself.
I wish you the best.
BrigidContinuing to %26quot;When do you just say 'enough' to a dead beat parentt?%26quot;?i'm having the same problem...my children haven't heard from or received any support in 7yrs..they are now 15 and 13 and don't even remember that man...my ex has handed me a nice little line about how he's married and has another family to support so he can't afford to send any money but yet he wants to be %26quot;involved%26quot; in his children's lives...the kids have told him they don't want anything to do with him period and he doesn't respect them enough to leave them alone...i have a court order for the child support which is a whopping $350 for 2 kids...but our problem is both of us have since moved out of state where the divorce was done...so it's a pain...
how old are your children...i know that my kids can actually go before the judge and tell them what they want...my son really wants my husband to be their real dad...but once again i have to contact my ex...i also know that after so many years of no contact or support it's considered abandonment so you might be able to remove his parental rights that way....good luck!Continuing to %26quot;When do you just say 'enough' to a dead beat parentt?%26quot;?Do not talk bad about the father... I am in the same boat... My ex does pay his child support but that is all... My oldest is 12 and she has caught her dad in lies and then when my children did visit him he borrowed money from both of my kids and still has not paid them back. My daughter now does not make the effort to call him and he does not really call my house that often... let your kids figure it all out on their own... there is a Dr Phil on this subject and I let my daughter watch it and it helped her with some of her feelings towards her dad... Just do not put him down... when the kids ask why he does not call or come visit.. tell them that you are sorry but you do not know and that is something they need to ask him... It worked great for me saying that and it made my kids know that I am not the one who is a liar....It seems that your kids already have a wonder full dad. Any idiot with a penis can be a father, only a real man ( see your fiancee ) can be a dad. Time to give up on the cash, your not going to get any, and is money really the be all that you will sacrifice your happiness(and thus your kids happiness). Would you risk losing your fiancee over a few dollars you feel you are %26quot;owed%26quot; by your X, Because that is what is going to happen if you continue to devote so much time in chasing the cash cow that isnt.
Since you apparently live in Canada, yes there are ways to get parental rights removed. First, ask your X, tell him you wont make him stop being the kids father, but that it will release him of all financial responsiblity (he will probably jump at that). Second, Is he listed on the birth registration? If not, then no parental rights are given to him. Third, ask a judge (go to court) to remove his rights. Since he is a deadbeat dad, Probably have no problem.
